His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
