3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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