Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize