I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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