just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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