If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
