If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
