If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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