Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
