I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
