I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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