my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
