Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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