wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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