false alarm. still invincible.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
