Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
