The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
