I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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