He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
