nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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