so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
