I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
