playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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