I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
