Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it glows. i had to have it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
