he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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