I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
