This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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