Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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