So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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