I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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