I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
high people should be assigned attendants
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
