You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
