Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
