I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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