i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
