six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
