There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.