we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
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The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
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Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.