I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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