She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.