Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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