Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
