so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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