she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
