i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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