I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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