I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
