Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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