Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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