Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
