brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want to be your penis for a week.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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