I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
