I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
