she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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