I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
