Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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