from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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