who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
