so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
