I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
True strength comes from lack of pants
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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