please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
