At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
