Old men and throwing up are my life now.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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