How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
