My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
