dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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