she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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