I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
