I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
