You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
