I puked a lego.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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