i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
