Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
