He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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