You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
