I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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