You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize