Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize