Screwed.edu
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
